Distant Moons
by Sombereyes
Summary: Like that of a beautiful piano melody, one that only Haruka could possibly play, I've begun to understand. My heart overflows with grief, tears spill from my eyes, and I can hardly speak. What happened back then? Did I love him? Did I care for him? Cherish him as only a lover would?...Ami POV.


A/N: So, Sailor Moon is coming back for 2013, and I'm not only a little excited, I'm REALLY excited. Because of that, I've been working on this for a while now...Sorry Yuri fans, nothing to see here, sadly...maybe next time, I'll do a little something with a twist. Anyway, this is only a one shot.

I don't own Sailor Moon.

* * *

**Distant Moons  
**(Ami POV)**  
**

"I am finding myself rather bored..." A male voice sighed in dejection, his voice pulling me from my readings. "Why not spend some time nattering away with me?" His proposition should have fallen of deaf ears, yet, I could not drown out his plea. For the past few hours he had attempted to speak with me. "You could let me out, and we could get cozy by a nice warm fire. What do you say?" He is persistent, I'll give him that.

"Who in the world uses such a dated term?" I ask him, although I honestly do not care one way or the other. "No one uses natter anymore." This is dull, but it is safe, and I prefer it that way. Should he respond, I may place him in a cabinet and lock it closed. At least then he would not annoy me. "Honestly, if you wish a conversation, at least speak commonly. You aren't anyone of importance anymore, and you'll do well to remember that." I knew I sounded trite, but couldn't find a care in the world. "At least, while taking residence in my home." He quieted down, and I returned to my reading, as if nothing had ever happened.

History books aren't the answers to everything shrouded within the past. Most things within the universe will remain unspoken, lost by silent whispers of fading breaths. That's how life works, that fact can never be changed. If it could be altered, the many battles face long ago, on a now distant moon, would be well remembered. Not even I recall everything, the only ones that do, are normally locked away in a wooden box. Sure, glass that is always crystal clear, pours light into the beautiful oak cadge. Red velvet cradles those four souls, trapped within stone. It would be easy to state that everything is as it should be...the great many questions from back then are simply that, a quandary.

A question without an answer.  
An assumption with nothing to possibly ascertain.  
A Pandora's box of sorts, one that should never be opened.  
As I ponder greatly, that of my past, I realize I don't deserve to know.  
It shall forever stay locked away.  
The key, perhaps made of gold, glimmering, glinting, and tempting my fascination.

Like that of a beautiful piano melody, one that only Haruka could possibly play, I've begun to understand. My heart overflows with grief, tears spill from my eyes, and I can hardly speak. What happened back then? Did I love him? Did I care for him? Cherish him as only a lover would? In the depth of night, had I ever given him that which a maiden ought never to give? I have dreams, but that's all they are. I have been given confirmation on a few more pressing suspicions, but those matters stay for my heart alone. It used to be, that a few times a week, I would visit one of these lost and vile souls.

Mamoru would open his door for me, and usher me into his room. There the box would sit, the beauty of the wood a far cry from what it held within the four sturdy walls, and fine craftsmanship. With great care, he would lift the enclosure and gift me with the most deplorable sight I'd ever witnessed. The rock would be placed into my palms. I would hold it in my hands, caress the smooth surface with my thumb, all the while, cursing the very existence of such a thing. Granted, we haven't had the most joyful of meetings. I highly doubt you could call it the worst either.

That has always been my statement, though admittedly one of scientific objective, not emotional subjectivity...

"You are quite the difficult owner." Zoisite grumbled under his breath, though I could hear him all the same. "At least let me out so I can walk around a bit." His wishes are often of that sort.

As if I would want to set him free, what a crock. I don't even wish to see his face. "You have no need for that." I feel like I am scolding a child.

I don't want to even hear him, but I am forced at least, that much. "Even ghosts need to get out once in a while, stretch their legs." It seems as if he is begging, still, I can't cast him a care in the world. "Surely a few moments can't hurt, now can it?" If I did, even once, I'm sure he would abuse the privilege.

I sigh, knowing he's trying to get on a better side of me. "You are not a ghost, you have a much more complex atomization than you realize." I sigh, the book I'm reading is dull, lifeless. In truth, I'm not at all angry. I simply can't trust him.

"I assure you, I am dead." He's always had a dry, witty charm about him. A hopeless romantic though he is, and one with homoerotic tendencies, he could still be a danger. "However, assuming I am not a spirit, well, what am I then?" If I knew that, I wouldn't be pondering that myself.

"A thorn in my side." I decide that alone is a most fitting description.

Anyway, before Zoisite came to live with me, I would often visit him. It was to please Usagi, that's all. I didn't want to enter that apartment, I hated counting the steps into Mamoru's room. My knees felt weak every time my thumb ran over the beautiful surface. Surely though, as one would come to guess, Zoisite would appear before me. Suddenly, after I looked into his forest green eyes, anger bubbled up within me. Just like that, resentment clouded my judgment. That was normal for all of us, I would assume. At first, it was all I could do to look at him. Fury is not something I contain well. The reality is quite the polarity. I wish that I hadn't grown into such a bitter woman. However, that was not the case. It took a few years to forgive him for all that he'd done. The battles occurred when I was a young girl at the cusp of womanhood. I could easily hold the grudge, and I refused to let go of it.

We all felt regret.

These men were to protect Mamoru, they had a job to marry us as well. I remember feeling as if I didn't have choices in my life, despite Usagi pleading the opposite. With every ounce of our being, we, the Sailor Senshi, decided that the warfare had lasted long enough. We agreed we would be friendly, even if nothing more. I'd felt as if for the briefest of moments, I'd be able to move on, without him. Much to my dismay, that wasn't an option. As a Sailor Senshi, we don't always get what we want, and I, at the time, simply abhorred the idea of dating Zoisite. Still, it was my mission, and, as a woman, I couldn't deny I wanted something more. I may indeed be insipid, but that doesn't lessen my desires.

Dark, though they may be, I cannot disregard my womanly emotions.

I hate Zoisite.

Hated him, for all that he'd done. For all things left unsaid. I couldn't forget fighting him as an enemy. I can't let go of it...of the anguish I harbor deep within my soul, even to this day. Still, like a gentle hum, not unlike that which a mother would hum to her newborn child, I see clearly Zoisite is not the only one to blame. A stern hand, perhaps one from my past, has found purchase within reality. It's as if a woman like my mother guides me, even now. If she were still alive, she would tell me many things about marriage, shaking her head in regards to such a word.

Love...

I can still hear the lullaby she would sing to me, one that my father, ever the artist in many ways, had written just for me. He wasn't only a painter, although that's what he loved most.

I realize now, looking into the shattered mirror of who I've become, that my mother was not completely incorrect. My father was everything she'd wanted, however, he was also a man who feared commitment. He was a dishonor in many ways, some I can't seem to recall. By chance, when I was a teen, I had asked my mother, the dearest woman that she was, if she still loved him. Her eyes told me love was never the real issue. Her longing gaze as she passed by many shops on the streets told me this. My mother fancied water colored paintings, for that was what my father did best. Little things made him impossible to forget. My mother never could let him go, his memory that of a shadow.

Her anger with him was blunted, although her tears came in vexatious waves when she thought of him.

I assume because of these memories, I have grown into the woman I am now. I feel these indescribable sensations in my fluttering heart because it is what I wish to do most. Feelings are still confusing to me, love is something I still don't understand. Still, as I sit here now, in my lonely little abode, I blankly watch the unmoving rock that sits upon a my dresser. It isn't as if I want him to come peaking out at me, asking me to forgive him. I know now, it may sound silly, perhaps even presumptuous, however, I simply cant let go of his memory.

"Oh luck has finally come knocking!" He says as if he's excited, the mere fact I'm staring at him must make him happy. "Are you going to talk with me now?" Is he so spoiled that he can't go a single day without others around him, or have I just become a shut-in? I was just out with the girls yesterday, we went for lunch and a movie. I can't be that bad, now can I? "It would make our future king most pleased if you would. He wants us to become one, just as he and Usagi are."

"Mamoru would want us to be together..." I say, a breath of air parting my lips with a defeatist sigh, it is a putrid notion, surely. "You would come out of that overgrown pebble, and we would go back to the way things used to be." If I close my eyes, I could conjure up a fantasy fitting of Usagi's wishes. I know Mamoru's own hopes are similar. "You and I know that won't happen."

"There you go again, blaming me, as if I were the one in the wrong." I hear Zoisite say. He is trapped, thankfully, well away from me. It shall stay that way for the time being. I know it upsets him, but I just can't look into his deep pools of forest green just yet. "I've tried so many times to apologize for the past. You girls just don't seem to accept it, for what it is, simply the past. If you don't let it go, how could we build a bright future together?"

"We don't." The curt reply was not something he was expecting. "Usagi, the girls, and I...we will be the ones who will bring forth the bright future." Zoisite unnerves me greatly, and I feel as if there is little I can do to calm myself. "You'll have no part in it. If I have my wish you'll stay right where you are, and well away from me."

"Yeah, and you know that won't happen either." I can almost remember when we used to fight like this. The distant past is so tangible now. "You have to get married one day." He said, as if he was crossing his arms in annoyance. "Beyond that, I've got to come out sometime. Our king, when he becomes a king, will need me. I can't do anything crammed down in this rock, now can I?"

"No, I suppose you can't." I felt a grin then, as if I held a small victory. "I'm not a woman to act upon a whim." It was nothing compared with the all encompassing loss I would one day receive. "We will have to be together, one day, far from now, but Zoisite, even you can't be happy about that." He is loyal to Mamoru, and would do what ever that man asks, I know that. I would do the same for Usagi. "They are forgiving, loving people. We won't be forced into anything. Wait it out, then we can be free from each other. We would never have to be unhappy."

I know I'm being delusional, but I feel for now, it is the best I can do.

"Why wouldn't I be happy about marrying you?" He acts as if he's confused. "You are a poetic soul, one who seeks things, even if it is only in the deepest parts of your heart." His voice is like that of a soft tune. I know he's been watching me, as I have been him. "You haven't slept at all since I've arrived here." He tells me, and I know he is correct. "Yet, the first words out of your mouth are filled with nothing but ill conceived notions, and grief stricken sighs...when will you allow me to show you the depth of my sorrow, the pangs of anger that beat forever in my soul." He is also a poet. Zoisite finds beauty in small fragile places. "We could make amends, if only you'd let me."

"The time for that has ticked away slowly in recent years." I whisper, my eyes turning back to the window, watching as cars pass by on the road below. "I know well, that you aren't the type to do the things I remember. Even so, I can only feel disgust in what you and the others have done, coming back in the ways you have. It would seem we could never escape your lingering presence." I loath talking to him, but, I must.

"Do you even remember the past?" He asks, as if I'm the one who's being absurd. "Have you any idea how fond I was of you, and you of me?" I wish dearly he would quiet himself, and yet, I feel as if this too, is my sin. My personal, undeniable hell. "Can you even begin to understand? The situation it is little more than fate." His words are as whimsical as always, I fear. In the depth of slumber, I can vividly see Zoisite being this way, he always was after all. It was his soft eyes, his tender words, his warmth. Sadly, this time, I am not asleep, and a figment of my past is not what I deem necessary. "Everything is fate, _Mercury_..."

"Hush now!" Fury in my eyes could not express the depression I felt, as I toss a tissue box in his direction. "I've had dreams, but little more. You are nothing Zoisite, nothing." It hurts, the stabbing pain in my chest won't vanish into thin air, and I dearly pray beyond all hope someone would rescue me. "A selfish pig of a man, if you can even be called that anymore, has absolutely no right to call me any such title. Never when it is your fault, and even if it wasn't..."

If ever a time would come along that I would feel as impulsive as Minako's inclinations, as infuriated as Rei, as distrusting as Makoto, and as torn as Usagi, it would be now. "But, you've had dreams." He tells me, solemnly. "Those dreams are real you know. You just have to reach out for them." I don't want him to see my face, flushed with the torrent that I feel carrying me away. So many, many things, have gone wrong in my life. "Mamoru used to tell us stories about you girls, the differences, the things you've done to protect him, and the one he loves." Melancholy laced his words deeply, I could hear his words were a sincerity. "Could you perhaps take a chance, tell me a few of your dreams?"

"There is only one of particular importance." It is a beautiful one at that. I lick my lips, trying to think of how best to describe it. To think of such days, ones filled with merriment, is something both seemingly trivial, and yet dearly important. "It was way back, when I still lived on the icy planet, Mercury. We'd adapt atmospheres often, about once or twice a week, just to keep things frozen. Everyone thought it was lovely, like a winter playground. Rei hated it though, she always slipped and fell." I let myself giggle a little, as if I was fondly speaking of my childhood. "In my eyes, that place was magical. At least, I remember it that way."

"I always found the place quite soothing." Zoisite agreed, although he seemed unsure about something. "In truth though, you found everything normal, or, at least acted that way. Snow would blanket the ground, and everyone would rant about it, you'd simply shrug. Never mind the times our systems would malfunction, making it impossible for the citizens to do much of anything." I never remember any of that, but I simply shrug, that goofy smile still adorning my face, I am sure.

Memories, they're so beautiful, and yet, so fleeting. Like a winter's lightest dusting of snow, on a cool morning. I know this may seem funny to hear, but, I do love Zoisite. I love him with undying passion, but that is why I hate him now. I know my future, I know what my life will hold. It may seem unimportant for some, but, it means the world to me. I care honestly for him alone. So, perhaps, I may just be a little droll, a bit uninspired these days..but, I know well, I'm Sailor Mercury after all.

It wouldn't do, to clearly state I love him...no, that admission might not come for hundreds of years, but, when it does it will be a spectacular thing...our wedding on a distant moon, far from now.


End file.
